Let me preface this story by stating that Kid 2 will go to just about any party he’s invited to if it is implied that there will be LOTS of food and even more dancing…

It took him under an hour to get ready and another 20 minutes to figure out how to get his tie perfect but, alas, by 7:45, he was ready. Technically, the party started at 7:00. It was his umpteenth sweet 16 party invite this year. He looked quite dapper sporting his new way too expensive haircut and purple/gray tie. We get in the car 5 minutes later and I ask, “where to?” to which he replies, “um, just drive west on Division.” — red flag #1

I drive up Lake St. instead and he tells me to turn right on Central — red flag #2

I slow the car and stop in front of a door that is clearly decorated for a birthday party. As he starts to exit the car, a mini-van cuts in front of me and 6 people get out of the car. They look at me, I look at them, we all look at Kid 2… Kid 2 looks ecstatic. — red flag #3

So in the most sensitive, politically correct manner, I ask Kid 2, “so, whose party is this again?” To which he rolls his eyes and says a name that sounds an awful lot like Kahlua. I’m a fan of the liqueur so I thought to myself, it’ll be fine.

As he closes the door, I hear one of the kids from the van ask him, “you sure you at the right party?” To which my jovial ‘ready to get his party on” son smiles and disappears with the group behind party door number 1.

I drive off, run some errands and wait for him to text me when he’s ready to come home.

Text from Kid 2: Mom you can come pick me up now.

I drive up to birthday door 1. He pops out of the hall and walks over to the car with a smile on his face.

me: so how was it?
him: memorable
me: did you have fun?
him: at first I just sat there for a while but then when the dancing started it got fun… that is… until the ambulance was called.
me: oh… wait… what?
him: it happened during the twerk-off
me: uh
him: this one girl twerked so hard she slipped and dislocated her knee… mom, she screamed soooo loud. her body was this way and her leg was that way and she kept screaming but the music was so loud some people kept twerking. I didn’t know if I should cheer for the other girls or help her… but you know how I feel about blood and people in pain. I was so confused. (very short pause) Needless to say, the bday girl won.
me: um
him: also, I walked around and saw there wasn’t any real food so once the paramedics left I figured I should just go home.
me: um
him: Kaliah looked nice though. At first she had on a pretty dress and then she changed it up for the twerk-off.
—- awkward silence —-
me: so let me get this straight… you got there, sat around, then danced a little, then watched a dance…errr… I mean twerk-off, then witnessed a young lady practically cripple herself, then saw her carted off into an ambulance, where then the ‘competition’ resumed to end with the winner being the bday girl who actually changed outfits and in that time, you scanned the venue and noticed there wasn’t any food to your liking. — baby, YOU WERE ONLY THERE AN HOUR!