SOUL PSYCHO

I took a Soul Cycle class on Wednesday. In case you didn’t know (and in spite of the name of the class) it’s a spinning class for all races and ethnicities and people without a whole-lotta rhythm (hahaha). The first 10 minutes into the cycling withOUT sitting, is what is referred to as ‘the warming up’ period. After 5 minutes, my body felt as if it were seconds from combusting and my mind was racing just as fast as my feet were pedaling. I realized that even my breath was hot when I exhaled onto my chest where my chin seemed to be cemented. As my legs moved furiously to keep up with the pace of the neon strips on the back of the shoes in front of me,  I was able to conjure up enough neck strength to look up and I spotted a lovely, cool, blue lake. I tried desperately to cycle towards it but realized it was just a mirage after feeling a pop in my left hip. The aggressive pop of my hip was not as painful as the mental slap into reality I felt when I realized the lake I saw was really a booty wrapped in blue lycra swaying to and fro just inches from my face.
Back to my popping hip… no problem (I thought) I didn’t stretch enough and that was my body’s way of reminding me to take it a little easy. Another minute or so after that,  I was in my zone. I was riding fast and concentrating on not slamming my forehead into the handlebars of the stationary bike because the waaaay too happy instructor shouted at us to sit, pedal faster and pump our arms up and down to the beat of the rhythm. Did I mention the music being piped through the sound system was mostly pop music… ON ACID?!?!?
Just before I felt the first inkling of a dry heave come on is when I believe my hip joint and my hip bone got into some type of brawl. One minute I was uncomfortable but functioning and the next minute the entire lower, left side was revolting.

Sidenote: The thing about the spinning class/cycling stuff is that you’re 99% trapped once you start. First of all, the bikes are thisclose to each other. Second, the lights are turned down so low you can’t see where you’re going. Third, and most importantly, THE SHOES. No, you don’t wear your regular workout shoes to this carnival ride from hell. For this class, you wear spinning shoes which are equipped with 3 very thick velcro straps on each shoe (to keep you in the shoe… yes!… there is a small chance that one just might pedal OUT OF THE SHOE :/ ), and, the pièce de résistance, there are clips on the bottoms of the shoes (which SNAP your shoe onto the pedal… making it almost completely impossible for one to jump off the bike and run towards the door that was merely 4 feet away… I could see the light to the outside world coming through the crack on the bottom of the door… it was FOUR. FEET. AWAY.)

 

Back to the hip…again… the sudden rush of pain that bolted through the hip and into my butt cheek made my already out-of-control heart rate speed up. I quickly sat but, at this point, my feet were still pedaling. I have no idea why. I’m fairly certain I sent the non-verbal message to my brain to stop all physical movement but I’m assuming my neuro senses failed to receive and/or transmit the message due to the fact that there was a VERY LOUD voice in my head shouting, “I TOLD YOU… I TOLD YOU… I TOLD YOU!!!”.

Fun-fact: there’s a sizeable button directly under the handlebars which, if pushed, stops the bike. Hindsight is 20/20. Literally, in this case.

I was finally able to get my legs to stop moving so fast and was able to think clearly enough to keep the legs moving… slowly… reach for my water bottle, wipe the sweat out of my eyes (they may have been tears, I’m still not sure) and block the entire class out. I finished the class, at my own pace (slow). There was a lot of  ‘off the seat’ and ‘back on the seat’ commands that I proudly ignored. I did turn the resistance knob all the way to the hardest level just to challenge myself while not running the risk of tearing my ankles from my body. At the time, it seemed like a good idea.
And then this morning happened.
Three. Flights. Of. Stairs.
That’s what I had to endure to leave my home to get to work. It was a workout in and of itself. Falling into my car was effortless and I’m sure the bruising will be minimal. Oh… did you know that there’s a muscle just next to your right knee and near the inner thigh that’s directly connected to the tear ducts in your right eye???  I discovered this while pushing on the gas pedal (it appears all pedals are my nemesis this week).
On my way to the elevator at work, I had one of the most “Uh-oh” moments of my life. I had to come to terms with the fact that there was a very high chance that I would die today if, for any reason, the NBC Tower had to be evacuated. I’m 5 flights up.
Five. Flights. Up.
As I approach my thirty-fifteenth birthday, I find myself heavily weighing what will and what won’t work in my life as I move forward. I’ve come to the conclusion that rigorous workout classes are off the list. I’m not ashamed to admit that I would gladly and PROUDLY wake up early every Saturday to walk the mall before the stores open. I’d start tomorrow but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get out of bed.
Advertisements